Living life with no regrets ... it's all about being a little uncomfortable sometimes!

This is one of the few photos I have from a school trip to the Soviet Union in 1983 and this is Red Square in Moscow.  We went during April vacation and it was an amazing experience!  I took Russian as my foreign language specifically for this trip.  Yes, it was during the cold war and I thought it might be the only opportunity to travel there. We had wonderful experiences and its a trip that I can still vividly remember.  (No, I haven't made it back)

When I think about living with no regrets, I think about understanding our limits and pushing just a little beyond what is comfortable sometimes. To me, it's about not letting fear get in our way - now, to be clear, I take calculated risks. I understand my capacity, my skills, etc.  For example, my brother just rafted the Grand Canyon - I am too out of shape to ever consider something like that.  It would be dangerous and frankly, not fun.  But, I continue to try to learn new things, travel to new places, and engage in my life.  You never know what you can do, if you don't push yourself into the uncomfortable sometimes. It may be listening to music you aren't familiar with, volunteering somewhere, taking on a physical challenge, learning a new skill, even just talking to a boy.  The possibilities are endless!

Living without regret, doesn't mean I am not reflective of moments of my life.  There are things that I have done, choices I have made that I am not proud of, that I am embarrassed about, that I prefer to keep private and in the past.  I don't regret those choices though because they have helped me to grow and learn and are part of my journey. 

Would you share one time you took a risk, stepped in to the unknown, the uncomfortable and are glad you did?

Resiliency ... born with it or developed?

When I think about resiliency, I think about that inner fortitude we all have, in varying degrees.  I love this cartoon because it exemplifies how while resiliency is something within us, it can be strengthened, enhanced, and challenged from those around us. 

For those who are familiar with Charlie Brown's relationship with kicking a football, Lucy will pull the ball away at the last minute on him which challenges, even undermines his resiliency.  Notice in this cartoon, Lucy isn't present -- its all the other people (and animals) in Charlie Brown's life who are supporting him and providing him with opportunities to succeed. 

Back over the holidays, my young nephew took a little spill and I scooped him up as he was crying.  I was rubbing his back and telling him "you are ok" and through his tears he said "but, I am not ok!".  I was so impressed with his resiliency in that moment -- I was saying something that didn't match with his experience.  I agreed and said "you are right but you are going to be ok". 

As you are reading this, are you thinking about yourself? A child? Your partner? Do you support and help develop the resiliency in the people in your life? Do they do the same for you? One of the reasons I love utilizing dogs and horses in my work is that they are consistent, caring, and engaging and are always ready to help someone to strengthen their resiliency.  Sometimes, its by providing comfort, sometimes its by challenging, sometimes its by evoking laughter. 

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries...

We talk A LOT about having good boundaries - what does that mean? Merriam-Webster.com's definition is "something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent Those two trees mark the boundary of our property. the mountain range that forms the country's northern boundary".  

In our relationships, its often about how much of our inner life, our emotional selves, or even about what kind of information we share.  Sometimes, its also about how skilled we are at maintaining the boundaries we want to have and who is effective at pushing through those boundaries - sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not so much.

If your boss is consistently asking you to do work after hours and it's cutting in to your personal time, is that ok?  Does that work for you?  Is it creating tension or difficulty? Do you have a hard time figuring out what to share with who? Maybe your boundaries are too permeable or unclear ... or are they "just right"

Do you have strict boundaries that sometimes create conflicts that are difficult for you to manage? Do you have a hard time letting anyone in? Are your boundaries too rigid? Or is it that once someone is past that outer boundary that's its too hard to set new ones?

Some of us have a hard time respecting other's personal space or even letting people in to our personal space.  I notice that I'll let animals and kids into my personal space with little or no hesitation but people... not so much. 

And, what about boundaries on social media? Do you choose who your "friends" or "followers" are? Do those choices drive what you share? Why you share it?  I know that I have pretty strict boundaries on social media.  My personal Facebook is only for people I truly know and I only post stuff that I would be OK with my Nana seeing.  I work hard to respect others boundaries -- I don't post or repost pictures of anyone's kids without their permission and I almost always ask before tagging someone.  My Instagram, Twitter, and Google plus accounts are to share what I do etc. professionally so there's nothing too personal that gets posted and I am thrilled to have anyone and everyone 'like" and "follow me".

How do you think about boundaries in your life? In the lives of your kids?   

Feelings.. wo wo wo feelings.....

Most of the time, our feelings just don't behave and they are often not logical.  I chose this picture because these horses are not doing what you might expect, they are just doing what they want to do.  I mean, check out the horse in the front of the photo -- using the PVC pipe to clean it's ears?  There are plenty of times that our feelings make sense but sometimes they confuse us, overwhelm, us, even frustrate us.  And, for some of us, we may have become very good at not noticing our feelings at all.  Feelings are messy and confusing and unsettling even. 

So why would we want to ever feel then??  Because all of our feelings are valuable, helpful, and inform us.  We may be more uncomfortable with some of our feelings like shame, hurt, sadness, etc. but if we don't create space for the more uncomfortable feelings, our ability to feel joy, happiness, silliness, etc. are often dimmed.  

I sometimes visualize the more uncomfortable feelings as waves coming in off the ocean and think about getting my feet firmly planted so when the waves come, I am still standing.  Some waves are small, some are challenging and every once in a while one may knock me off my feet, but I just scramble back up, and plant my feet again.  Bring it on!